Survivor
by EnsoDancer
Summary: In a world where nothing makes sense anymore, Leo's family seems to be slipping away from him. Will they survive? Will he? The scariest scenario I could think of.


A/N: Contains implied character death but nothing graphic. Written for the Horror contest by GuardianxAngels on DeviantArt

Inspired in part by the epic picture: _*Leonardo* goodbye, my brothers..._ by DeadPea on Deviantart. You simply must go see it if you haven't already.

* * *

Day 21

The news quit broadcasting today, which means we're officially cut off. There's no way of knowing what's happening up there anymore without doing recon, but I'm trying to avoid that until it's absolutely necessary. We've been hoping April or Casey might make contact but it's been days since the shell cells stopped working and though the thought wounds me greatly, I have to assume they've been compromised. At this point even if they do come down, I just can't trust them. I don't relish telling Don he'll have to reprogram all the security. He'll want to wait, the idea of cutting off our only human friends as repulsive to him as it is to me. But it's my decision and he'll do it. I won't risk my family.

Day 34

Raph and I went to the surface to scavenge supplies today. The situation in the city has deteriorated. I wonder how far this thing has spread. It is hard to fathom how quickly the tenants of civilized society have eroded. Whatever honor meant to these people, it means nothing now. Corpses litter the back allies, the stench is palpable and hallowing screams in the distance are nearly constant. And for the first time I feel I could walk around in broad daylight and barely be noticed. But we still don't dare, gangs of compromised roam about hunting. Even the single one we encountered did not go down easily, his strength somehow increased beyond what a normal human should have. Even so, it's my fault Raph was…. I should have known, I should have sensed it, I'm so….. I was taken by surprise when he ambushed us from above, he clawed at Raph's shell before we knew what was happening. I unsheathed my katana as fast as I could and relived him of his head but it was still close, too close. Splinter must have sensed we were in a fight because he was waiting with an assortment of herbs and remedies. And for his part, Raph continues to pretend he's not concerned. Even though we don't know much about how one catches it, thankfully Don thinks Raph will be fine, his shell protecting him somehow. But it never should have happened in the first place. I should have been more aware, more vigilant.

Day 45

Father. Revered Master. I can only hope, as I write these words, that they reach you on some astral plane. I cannot even begin to beg your forgiveness. Moushiwake arimasen. Your face, the look in your eyes, they haunt me, as they should, as they will for as long as I live. Oh, Father, why did you choose me to lead? A better leader, a better son would have found a way, but I….I didn't know what else to do. You changed so fast and I couldn't let you get to Mikey or Don. You were compromised, I don't know how, maybe before Raph left the lair he was able to get to you. It doesn't matter, I should have thought of some other way but our attempts to trap and keep Raph all failed and so I had no illusions with you. Your skills are...I mean, were so great I knew I would only get one chance to strike. My hands still shake the way they did in that moment, and no matter how much I wipe it, my katana will never be clean again. Most of all the way Don and Mike look at me now, tears my soul into pieces, but I did what I had to do. I hope you, the real you, can understand. I love you, Father. Please know I will give my life if needed to protect your sons. I will protect them. I have to keep my brothers' alive, it's the only thing I know for sure at this point. Nothing else makes sense. None of this makes any sense.

Day 62

Michelangelo is getting weaker and weaker and Don works around the clock in hopes of finding some cure. I haven't let either of them out of the lair, choosing instead to scavenge alone, though supplies are harder and harder to come by. The streets are mostly deserted now, only the gangs of compromised remain. I would like to move us, perhaps to the farm, but Mike is too weak to travel right now. Don's not sure how this thing is spreading or why we are all reacting differently. And though I would never say it aloud, I'm relieved Mikey hasn't turned vicious, I couldn't deal with what I'd have to do. Instead he seems to be wilting before our eyes. His spirit, the light that was the heart of this family seems extinguished and his will to fight, to live, just isn't there anymore. He's been inconsolable since Raph and Splinter and I think he wants to go. I can't help the tears that stream down my cheeks as I sit by his bed, holding his hand and waiting.

Day 80

I'm worried about Don. I've moved into his lab to keep an eye on him and mostly because I need to be near him. He is all I have left. I've failed them all and I'm determined not to fail him. He refuses to stop, tinkering day and night and I don't have the heart to force him to try to sleep. The activity keeps him occupied. The days are long and while I write, he works. I've never been the genius my brother is, but I can tell he's not himself. He rambles, not so much at me but at himself. He's starting to forget what he's already done and said. Sometimes, he even asks for Master Splinter or Mike as if they were only in the next room. It's as if his mind is taking him back to a time before this nightmare started. At times I wish I could fall into an illusion myself, but I won't. I can't. I'm so tired. So exhausted but I must stay alert. I will protect him till my last breath. I've given up hope that the work he's doing will prove fruitful for a cure or antidote. I hate to think that is it only a matter of time before we're both compromised. My poor sweet brother, this hell is robbing him of his greatest gift, his mind. How cruel fate has been and yet perhaps kind if he is relieved of the awareness of our current suffering. It is only him now, that keeps me going.

"It's gotta be there. It has to be there, somewhere in the sub-molecular structure, the answer is here. I can bring them back! I can fix this," Donnie rambled hysterically to no one as he peered through his microscope at a petri dish with nothing in it.

"Shhh, Donnie calm down," I cooed, "I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for, why don't you come away from there now though and just rest a bit"

"No, I'm working, I'm going bring them back, I'm going to fix everything. Leo, can't you see?"

He was agitated. It wasn't the first time and I was usually able to relax him if I stayed calm and refocused him on new topic.

"Donnie, why don't we have something eat, you know you haven't eaten in a while and I'm sure..."

"Don't patronize me. I know what you're trying to do," he laughed humorlessly " It's you, It's been you all along"

"Now Donnie, I'm sure you don't mean that"

"I do! I do mean it. You've been trying to keep me from working. From finding the answer. From bringing them back! Maybe you started this whole thing to begin with!" he shouted as he stood, knocking his chair to the floor.

"You know that isn't true," I spoke softly and stepped closer reaching a hand out to comfort him. But before I could react he had reached behind me and grabbed the hilt of my katana, sliding it from its sheath and bringing it up in front of himself in a defensive posture. I was shocked into stillness for a moment, how exhausted must I be to have let him take it off me?

"Donnie, put my katana down, right now" I gently ordered.

"Stay back, Leo, I mean it," he screamed as he backed away and began to sob. "I can't, I just can't anymore"

"Put it down and we'll talk, I promise you little brother its going to be o.k." I pleaded, my own voice cracking with emotion as I inched closer.

"It won't be o.k. I can't find the cure. I can't fix it. I failed and they're gone" he blathered, "I'm sorry Leo, I just can't do this anymore."

"NOOOOO!" I screamed and lunged for the sword but it was too late.

My stained sword clanked to the floor. Donnie fell limp and I caught him, cradling him to my chest.

"Oh, no, no, no, why, oh, nooo, please," I wept as I rocked him in my arms "please, you can't go, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, little brother nooo!"

"Leo?" It was barely a whisper but I heard it.

"Don? Oh, Don, shhh, quiet now, I've got you. You're gonna be o.k."

"I'm sorry Leo. I tried to be strong like you," he rasped calmly and more lucidly than he had been in weeks.

"Don't talk, I'm gonna…"

"No, don't worry. I'm not…. in pain now….. I'm just sorry… to leave you alone," He paused to catch his breath his words coming only in spurts, "Listen….. this isn't your…. fault. Do you… understand me."

"Oh Donnie, I've failed you all." I buried my face in his plastron tears falling unhindered.

"No, listen….you must go on...must live... You're a survivor….. your father….your brothers…we live on in you…. you have to survive…promise me"

"How can I go on? Without you," I cried "there's no point!"

Donnie used his last reserves of strength to stroke my cheek and then lift my chin before repeating, "Promise me….. please"

I lifted my head and looked him in the eye, and he was there, it was my Donnie, it wasn't the vacant lost expression of the past few weeks. His eyes were the kind, knowing orbs I'd relied on since childhood. My heart was broken, but I could not deny him.

"I promise. I promise on my honor."

"Good." He took a deep breath.

"I love you,"

"I… love… you too big…. brot…"

Day 89

I've gathered the last of the supplies and I'm leaving the lair today. I'm headed to the farm first and from there I don't have any plans other than that I will keep my promise and I will survive. I'm taking my brothers' bandanas with me as they now live on in me. I'm leaving this journal here as a record in case anyone should find it.

Know this. My name is Leonardo. I am ninja. I am a mutant turtle. I had three wonderful little brothers and an honored father. And though some would call us outcasts we were a loving family. And in all the ways that mattered, we were no different than anyone else.

The End

* * *

As always, any and all feedback is appreciated.


End file.
